Shes the cutest thing i love dms_a_jems' pullip family
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Adult Situations
When was my last update? I didn't check before I clicked the 'New Post' button. Surely it's been more than two days, right? Well yesterday was quite busy. I did not have trouble falling asleep, even though I went to sleep at 3AM... That's actually quite the accomplishment. I'd woken up that day at 1AM and took a nap from 3 to 4; my boyfriend's phone call is what woke me. We spent the rest of that day together. And me actually doing things the whole day besides, ya know, camping out on the couch, well, I guess it helped me to fall asleep.
What's with my blog title? My boyfriend has been smoking weed since he was thirteen.. everyday... several times a day. Yep, an addict. Well, he's 22 now (since January) and going to bar tending school. He decided he couldn't take it anymore. Starting February, he'd break up with Mary Jane. It had to be done. Of course, I was totally supportive of the idea. Lots of kids I know smoke here and there, but with him, it was different. I wanted to be his girl. His one and ONLY girl. How could I compete with MaryJ? They've been insperable for NINE YEARS. I couldn't let that bitch win!
I also couldn't get him to stop myself. I have tried. It has caused squabbles. But I know a thing or two about addiction. I am a cutter. I haven't cut in a year, but it's a day to day struggle. It was first a coping mechanism. But since I am Bi Polar, and a Pisces, I just have way too many feelings. So it became a way of life. I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry ever. And people had tried to make me promise I'd stop. They didn't understand. I couldn't.
Well... i thought I couldn't. Nothing is impossible. I firmly believe that. So anyways, I let him be. He would have to see for himself why it wasn't good for him. And you know what? He did.
We went back to my place at 10PM. I helped him study. He was visibly struggling. Understandable. It was a long day. So I put the flash cards down, and he went to the bathroom. He came back shaking. He wanted to go home, and I wouldn't let him. I love him. It hurt so bad to watch him feeling like shit. He was not going anywhere. He agreed to stay, and we watched half of the Time Traveler's Wife (my pick). He was cold and had to wrap his coat around him. But I noticed his face was flushed. Yup... he was burning up. During the movie his stomach made the most odd sounds, but when I asked, he said it didn't hurt at all. He did complain about feeling the cravings literally in his veins. I've never actually witnessed someone going through withdrawl. That was completely scary. He wanted to have a blunt. Make it all go away. But I told him that this would be over, and everything was going to absolutely be okay. I promised him that.
What helped him also was when I came upon a forum support group for people withdrawing. They shared remedies, and stories. He felt better.
Before we knew it was 1AM and out of respect, he figured he'd leave. He's coming back today around 4. Maybe 5.
All his friends smoke, so this is going to be a battle. But I know he can do this.
As for Photography. Yuck, I Suck. And I'm on a different computer, so no uploads for the moment. However, I have news for Brushed. I sent someone an article so she can send a picture that goes with it, and I have me a new Fashion Blogger (yay) Plus I'm putting up Steph's blog. =) She made a pretty button for me and put it on hers (teachstephtobegood.blogspot.com) I love her. She's awesome. Her blog is so good, too. =D
I'll be joining stumbleupon. Both for finding sites, and promoting mine. Let's hope this works =D
What's with my blog title? My boyfriend has been smoking weed since he was thirteen.. everyday... several times a day. Yep, an addict. Well, he's 22 now (since January) and going to bar tending school. He decided he couldn't take it anymore. Starting February, he'd break up with Mary Jane. It had to be done. Of course, I was totally supportive of the idea. Lots of kids I know smoke here and there, but with him, it was different. I wanted to be his girl. His one and ONLY girl. How could I compete with MaryJ? They've been insperable for NINE YEARS. I couldn't let that bitch win!
I also couldn't get him to stop myself. I have tried. It has caused squabbles. But I know a thing or two about addiction. I am a cutter. I haven't cut in a year, but it's a day to day struggle. It was first a coping mechanism. But since I am Bi Polar, and a Pisces, I just have way too many feelings. So it became a way of life. I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry ever. And people had tried to make me promise I'd stop. They didn't understand. I couldn't.
Well... i thought I couldn't. Nothing is impossible. I firmly believe that. So anyways, I let him be. He would have to see for himself why it wasn't good for him. And you know what? He did.
We went back to my place at 10PM. I helped him study. He was visibly struggling. Understandable. It was a long day. So I put the flash cards down, and he went to the bathroom. He came back shaking. He wanted to go home, and I wouldn't let him. I love him. It hurt so bad to watch him feeling like shit. He was not going anywhere. He agreed to stay, and we watched half of the Time Traveler's Wife (my pick). He was cold and had to wrap his coat around him. But I noticed his face was flushed. Yup... he was burning up. During the movie his stomach made the most odd sounds, but when I asked, he said it didn't hurt at all. He did complain about feeling the cravings literally in his veins. I've never actually witnessed someone going through withdrawl. That was completely scary. He wanted to have a blunt. Make it all go away. But I told him that this would be over, and everything was going to absolutely be okay. I promised him that.
What helped him also was when I came upon a forum support group for people withdrawing. They shared remedies, and stories. He felt better.
Before we knew it was 1AM and out of respect, he figured he'd leave. He's coming back today around 4. Maybe 5.
All his friends smoke, so this is going to be a battle. But I know he can do this.
As for Photography. Yuck, I Suck. And I'm on a different computer, so no uploads for the moment. However, I have news for Brushed. I sent someone an article so she can send a picture that goes with it, and I have me a new Fashion Blogger (yay) Plus I'm putting up Steph's blog. =) She made a pretty button for me and put it on hers (teachstephtobegood.blogspot.com) I love her. She's awesome. Her blog is so good, too. =D
I'll be joining stumbleupon. Both for finding sites, and promoting mine. Let's hope this works =D
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I'm having a low
I want to feel like a girl. I don't feel like the girly girl I am. Okay, I'm not a girly girl. I like adrenaline (well some part of me does) and I let slugs crawl all over me, and I spit like a guy (farther than my boyfriend can spit, actually) but I love love lovveeee to wear heels. I hate sneakers. Yuck. I just don't like them, they aren't me. I like to dress up. I love accessories. They are my best friend. I like eye shadow, and mascara. I like earrings. Big earrings, star earrings, guitar earrings, chandelier earrings, striped earrings, polka dot, robot. I love them all. I love skirts. Pencil, bubble. I love boots, dammit!
Why am I complaining? Okay look. I have lots of earrings, bracelets, necklaces, the works. I do not have clothes. I'm 4'9" and used to be eighty pounds. I was an A cup, (then B) and had a gap between my legs that I despised. But I didn't look anorexic; you couldn't see my bones, just my clavicle. I have since gained a good amount of weight. I love my ass. It's perfect. My boobs are a C cup (since recently, so it has nothing to do with the weight, apparently) I love my body. The gut has to go, because I have this rule about not letting my belly stick out further than my boobs, but of course that's in the works.
Back to the point.
I cannot afford a sock. I am so not joking. I have no clothes that express who I am as a girl in the world. None whatsoever (except the last two pairs of boots someone bought me)
My shirts too small, my jeans too tight (hel-freaking-lo I was a size zero before) I'm wearing my mother's hand-me-downs -___- we do NOT have the same taste. Um, yeah, that happens when someone is 28 years older than you. UGH.
I do not want to say fml because I feel like that's jynxing myself. I just want to feel like a freaking woman. I'd love to be able to get the clothes that I'm dying to wear. And trust me, I do not have expensive taste. I shop at rainbow, 579 and pay half. and Payless. And I find the greatest things there. A splurge for me would be newport news.
Yeah, I feel like shit.
Sigh.
Why am I complaining? Okay look. I have lots of earrings, bracelets, necklaces, the works. I do not have clothes. I'm 4'9" and used to be eighty pounds. I was an A cup, (then B) and had a gap between my legs that I despised. But I didn't look anorexic; you couldn't see my bones, just my clavicle. I have since gained a good amount of weight. I love my ass. It's perfect. My boobs are a C cup (since recently, so it has nothing to do with the weight, apparently) I love my body. The gut has to go, because I have this rule about not letting my belly stick out further than my boobs, but of course that's in the works.
Back to the point.
I cannot afford a sock. I am so not joking. I have no clothes that express who I am as a girl in the world. None whatsoever (except the last two pairs of boots someone bought me)
My shirts too small, my jeans too tight (hel-freaking-lo I was a size zero before) I'm wearing my mother's hand-me-downs -___- we do NOT have the same taste. Um, yeah, that happens when someone is 28 years older than you. UGH.
I do not want to say fml because I feel like that's jynxing myself. I just want to feel like a freaking woman. I'd love to be able to get the clothes that I'm dying to wear. And trust me, I do not have expensive taste. I shop at rainbow, 579 and pay half. and Payless. And I find the greatest things there. A splurge for me would be newport news.
Yeah, I feel like shit.
Sigh.
I'm not fond of Sundays
I woke up at three in the afternoon. I'd have slept longer if my mother let me, even though it causes aches in my body. I fell asleep at six in the morning. Partly my fault. I'm reading 'The Vinyl Princess' by Yvonne Prinz and it's written so well, I just want to soak up every word.
Sundays suck. There isn't a thing on TV. I suppose I could occupy myself by working on my website, even though I said weekends are off. But what they hey, I ain't doin' a thing.
The other day, I emailed this girl Holly about her photography. She's 15, and her work is unbelievable and completely one of a kind. She's really going to be somebody, trust me. So I just had to have her on my website. I found her a while back on flickr and was captivated immediately. Anyways I asked her if she'd take some pictures for Brushed, and she responded today. She thinks it's a great idea! I'm so happy. I think it will work out this time, and that she won't be one to flake on me, because she truly loves photography. You have to check her out. Her flickr name is holly.skye. I might even interview her for Brushed. I would love to have even half the creative mind that she does.
So that's my news for now. I have yet to need to pop a Lorazepam (knock on wood).
Sundays suck. There isn't a thing on TV. I suppose I could occupy myself by working on my website, even though I said weekends are off. But what they hey, I ain't doin' a thing.
The other day, I emailed this girl Holly about her photography. She's 15, and her work is unbelievable and completely one of a kind. She's really going to be somebody, trust me. So I just had to have her on my website. I found her a while back on flickr and was captivated immediately. Anyways I asked her if she'd take some pictures for Brushed, and she responded today. She thinks it's a great idea! I'm so happy. I think it will work out this time, and that she won't be one to flake on me, because she truly loves photography. You have to check her out. Her flickr name is holly.skye. I might even interview her for Brushed. I would love to have even half the creative mind that she does.
So that's my news for now. I have yet to need to pop a Lorazepam (knock on wood).
Rambling my thoughts
They were never sad words but
Words of empowerment
Words to get the songs in you to be uptempo.
Every time people saw her walking
It was like someone inside her was dancing.
This did not come from happiness.
It came from music.
Confidence and attitude
That's what got her on top of the world.
Her glossy lips
The walk that made her hips go
Left. Right.
Left. Right.
What a tease that would be
If played in slow motion.
She did it not to tease, but
Because that's just who she was
A girl with flavor.
Her outfits never pricey
But always complete
Complete like it took hours to put together-
it didn't. Just merely minutes.
Oh she was good that way.
Guys didn't jump at her feet.
Not like they did with other girls.
She had crazy curly hair
Not silky and shiny.
She was not even almost the height
Of a model.
But her height is perfect for her man.
Her hair can do many styles other girls' can't
With their flat boring hair.
And it smells good, too.
Boys still like the louder girls more.
Though the older guys see her and say
"Damn, she's beautiful"
Yes. Yes, I am.
Words of empowerment
Words to get the songs in you to be uptempo.
Every time people saw her walking
It was like someone inside her was dancing.
This did not come from happiness.
It came from music.
Confidence and attitude
That's what got her on top of the world.
Her glossy lips
The walk that made her hips go
Left. Right.
Left. Right.
What a tease that would be
If played in slow motion.
She did it not to tease, but
Because that's just who she was
A girl with flavor.
Her outfits never pricey
But always complete
Complete like it took hours to put together-
it didn't. Just merely minutes.
Oh she was good that way.
Guys didn't jump at her feet.
Not like they did with other girls.
She had crazy curly hair
Not silky and shiny.
She was not even almost the height
Of a model.
But her height is perfect for her man.
Her hair can do many styles other girls' can't
With their flat boring hair.
And it smells good, too.
Boys still like the louder girls more.
Though the older guys see her and say
"Damn, she's beautiful"
Yes. Yes, I am.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Two More Things
I know I'm a slacker as it is, but I have to add two more goals: 1)Lose this belly fat
2) Start writing again.
Dammit, I got published and never wrote a thing again. I can't go out like that. I gotta find my rhythm again. I gotta find that thing that gives me a rush inside. I have to feel GOOD.
2) Start writing again.
Dammit, I got published and never wrote a thing again. I can't go out like that. I gotta find my rhythm again. I gotta find that thing that gives me a rush inside. I have to feel GOOD.
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